Spiritual Solution to Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies, Unsatisfying and Debilitating Addictions
by Sabrina Dawkins
Sexual thoughts start out innocently enough. After all, no one knows you are having them but you, and if the person you were fantasizing about knew that you admired their physique and/or some other qualities and wanted to engage in sexual activities with them, they might even be flattered.
For example, I had sexual fantasies about a man I admired greatly, his demeanor, his voice, his confidence, his wisdom, his intelligence, his talent, his skill, his discipline, his beauty. And after watching an old interview of him displaying all of his greatness, I was overtaken by sexual thoughts about him. Probably halfway through the interview, I realized, “Uh-oh, this research on a great man has taken a left turn.” And after the second time he licked his lips, I knew that it would likely turn out badly for me. Even his active listening skills, saying “mm-hmm” while people in the audience asked him questions, was titillating. “What a good teacher he must be,” I thought, because his ability to actively listen to questions and answer them sincerely turned the adult audience members into his eager students soaking in an engaging teacher.
After watching the interview, I was overtaken by sexual thoughts about him. At first I thought he might be flattered. God had designed and pruned this man too well—he was irresistible. But as time went on, hours and hours of fantasies, I became very worried. I felt like I was losing control. I didn’t resort to masturbation or orgasm, but I really wanted that release from the intense sexual thoughts that clouded my mind for many hours. He wasn’t there to participate in the sexual desires I had, so there was literally no release for the thoughts, no fulfillment, and I would not dare sin through masturbation or orgasm. I realized that if I didn’t deal with the root of the problem, the overpowering sexual thoughts would just come back time and time again unexpectedly, and I would just be tempted to release them artificially and temporarily through orgasm each time, and it would be like a drug, a temporary fix until the next attack of uncontrolled desire.
I went to sleep that night, praying for help in controlling the thoughts. But here is the crucial part of this experience: I had not asked for the thoughts to go away. I liked them. I wanted to act them out in reality with the man of my desire. No, it wasn’t possible to act them out now, but maybe sometime in the future those thoughts could become reality. As I said, I justified them because God had made this man too perfectly. He had guided him in becoming the best godly man he could be; and because of God’s good work, I had been overstimulated and overwhelmed by too much of a man.
But strangely, I did not dream at all that night, and it was a long night. Usually the longer I sleep, the more likely I am to dream. And the day of the intense fantasies, I had stayed up over 24 hours, so my sleep was deep and long, but no dream, which I had been anticipating for guidance and help. The next day I still had the strong sexual desire for this man. And finally as I sat at my desk trying to concentrate on my work for the day, sexual fantasies still swarming in my head, I bowed my head and closed my eyes as tears started to seep out of my eyes, which were tightly closed. I said how much I wanted to just go into my bedroom and cause an orgasm to release these overwhelming thoughts that had kept me on the verge of an involuntary orgasm since the day before. I was stopped up with thoughts compounding upon thoughts of sexual scenarios that would not be fulfilled any time soon, so they were a waste of time, yet they had overtaking my mind with such intensity.
As I cried at my desk, I asked the Lord to take the thoughts away. I told him that I didn’t want to sin against him. I told him that I didn’t want him or the man of God whom I had desired to see me as a sex-crazed animal who couldn’t control my sexual desires. And immediately the thoughts went away. Right after I said that prayer and expressed that I wanted the thoughts removed due to the shame and lack of control I felt because of them, they were gone. An entire day had passed with no relief from sexual thoughts, and just like that, with a short, sincere prayer to the true and living God, my thoughts were taken away instantly.
It’s both unsettling and wonderful that even our very thoughts, the Lord has the power to control. I keep thinking that I am this autonomous creature who can think what I want and that my thoughts are up to me. In fact, I could not stop those sexual thoughts. They literally took over, and only the power of God could remove them; and I don’t mean he gradually lessened their intensity until they dissipated or I forgot about them and focused on something else. I mean that the thoughts, just like that, right after the short prayer went from 100% to 0%. Even now as I type this and think about the man of my desire, I am unable to generate sexual thoughts about him. He literally removed the thoughts and the desire for the thoughts. And that’s how I know that God is real and all-powerful. Yes, there is nature, the birds, the trees, the complexity of the human body, the soil, the clouds, the rain. But when you experience your mind being literally altered at the snap of fingers by an outside force that you called on, you have witnessed the power of God to the extent that there is no questioning his existence and power.
The cost of disregarding God and waddling through sin may not be immediately recognized, but the consequence is the gradual loss of self-control and being turned over to the will of demons to use your body as a garment.
Entertaining various sexual scenarios is not productive and becomes an addiction. By focusing your thoughts on sex for an extended amount of time, you create a need for release, which is achieved through orgasm. But with no partner with whom to experience these imagined scenarios, a person can become detached from reality, imagining having sexual relations with various strangers in order to build up to an orgasm. And after the orgasm is achieved, nothing has been accomplished: There is no sex partner, only a thought-up fantasy and time wasted thinking about it.
Masturbation and orgasm achieved by oneself can cause feelings of shame, similar to binge eating in secret behind closed doors. It shows on your body or spirit that you have been engaging in bad activities and are losing control, but you don’t know how to be free from your addictions.
An orgasm is not a solution to rampant sexual thoughts, it is the drug that is reached for when withdrawal symptoms start. Drug addicts don’t beat their addiction by running after their drug of choice whenever they start feeling withdrawal symptoms. A drug is a quick fix that isn’t a fix at all, it is the shortcut to circumvent pain. But it never works long term and only destroys the body, mind, and spirit over time.
Sex is meant for two people who are in love and married to experience. They have worked on their relationship and have become the type of people who can be loved by another. They took the long path to establish their love, and sex is a way for them to express it. But when the orgasm is the goal and not the genuine love between two people, then the means to achieve it becomes less important. And whether it is achieved through watching pornography or fantasizing about random strangers, as long as that fix is achieved, it doesn’t matter. But the shame is still there.
God is so powerful that he can even change our thoughts. However, he gives us free choice. I wasn’t free of those debilitating sexual thoughts that came on me unexpectedly and overpowered me until I told God that I was truly ashamed of them and wanted them to be taken away. And then I felt I had control over myself again.